Monday, September 22, 2008


I did fall again this year. A guy who is on team with me caught me off guard with an amazing friendship. One thing led to another and I started liking for him, a lot. We both tried to run but it just didn’t seem to work. I had my promise to consider.
We were basically in a relationship without a title. It was a healthy relationship in many ways, but neither of us was really ready to be in a relationship, and I’m still not ready to get married. I’m still on the journey of finding my heart. I still can’t give it away. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I was stubborn, I wanted to do my own thing. I was reluctant to obey what God had been telling me the whole year. This carried on for months, but eventually I had to tell him no. It was very difficult, as he had given a lot. I could’ve avoided some of the pain if I had just been obedient, but I didn’t. Luckily I listened eventually, otherwise it could’ve been worse. Also, one day as I was reading Song of Songs, a verse there caught my eye. I’ve read this book many times before, but this time that one specific verse stood out. Song of Songs 2:7b “for why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks.” This gave me new motivation to stick to my promise.
The guy and I are friends now, and it all turned out ok. I learnt a lot, and I managed to control myself a whole lot better than in the past.
So just because God is in my life now, doesn’t mean everything is going to smooth from now. I still make a whole lot of mistakes, but instead of running away and hiding from God, I run straight towards Him and I say sorry. And then I accept His forgiveness. It makes all the difference.

Proverbs 6:22
“An evil man is held captive by his sin; they are ropes that catch and hold him”
Isaiah 1:18
“Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them white as snow. Though they are like red crimson, I will make them white as snow.”

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