Guilt guilt guilt

Sean and I stayed friends well into the next year, but not just normal friends. Our physical relationship was too developed to just stop. I never committed again though. He even asked me to marry him; I was seventeen. He tried to get me pregnant. He probably could’ve succeeded, but God’s hand had been on me, and by His grace only had I never became pregnant. I attempted a relationship with God a few times, once again. But each time I recommitted, I would fall back. Sex was the one thing that made me feel so guilty that I would run away from God completely. I soon gave up, what’s the use of saying sorry if I’m just gonna do it again anyway. I was becoming more and more lost, and burying my heart deeper and deeper. Sean and I soon broke off the friendship, it was too much for him that I couldn’t commit, and I wasn’t gonna change my mind. So I carried on partying and running away. ‘Enjoying’ my so-called fun life.