I now had soul ties with both Michael and Sean. Pieces of my heart were gone. I was broken and lost and I didn’t know what to do about it. And I couldn’t seem to forget these boys, especially Michael. My relationship with my parents was in shatters. Too many secrets and lies were between us. I started partying, running away from pain. My friends and I would sneak out and go to clubs. We would drink and play around with boys and just have fun. But I stayed empty, and no amount of partying could fill that void. Sean and I started dating again. We were together for a month, a month filled with nothing, I missed Michael, and he didn’t want me anymore. According to him, I had chosen Sean. He had started partying too.
When I broke up with Sean once again, I took my heart with me. I couldn’t take it anymore; I was determined to forget. I tried to get Michael back, but he was stubborn. I was hurting. I locked away my heart.
My relationship with God was nowhere to be found. I felt abandoned. But I was the one hiding away, not Him. I was the one trying to carry all my sin by myself. I couldn’t let go. I had given up trying. And even if God forgave me, how could I ever forgive myself?
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