The boy who completely stole my heart

I carried on trying to get out of my relationship, and continually confused myself about how I felt. Things between Sean and I were not going well; I was once again on the verge of leaving him when I went for coffee with one of my girlfriends. Whilst at the mall we ran in to one of her boyfriend’s friends. He seemed friendly, but I was determined to keep my eyes on one guy only. He invited us to come to one of his bands gigs that evening. I loved music so I was very excited to go. Michael: a singing guitarist who plays in a band; a bundle of energy with a whole lot of love to give. I don’t think I’ve ever been greeted with that much enthusiasm before, and once he got on the stage and picked up that guitar, it was over. I was in love. Michael was all the motivation I needed to finally break up with Sean. It wasn’t long before Michael and I were dating. And oh what a fun relationship we had. We were always out doing something: whether it was having a braai at his house, or a party, or going out for lunch, or a movie, going to gigs, or just chilling with his parents. I enjoyed every moment. He loved my music and was always motivating me to practice my guitar, and sing. He was the first person I could sing in front of without being shy. I knew he believed in me. We also spoke about the physical, I felt very guilty about my relationship with Sean, and I didn’t want it to happen again. Michael agreed.
Unfortunately, Sean was not taking the developments well at all. When he found out about Michael and me he phoned me and threw all kinds of threats of suicide at me. I didn’t know how to handle it, I hated seeing him hurt, but I couldn’t be trapped anymore. I was also struggling to get rid of habit. I was so used to being with Sean that I still missed him, even though Michael made me so happy. It’s so difficult to just forget about someone you loved for so long. This hurt Michael, but he still stayed with me and tried to help me get over Sean. About two months into our relationship Michael turned 18. We had a party for him on a plot just outside the city. It was awesome. That night one of his best friends died . . . It was horrible. He was devastated. But we went through it together and it brought us much closer. A lot of other things happened to him and me, that were bad which strengthened the bond between us. Anyway, back to his 18th. His parents and I also organized a surprise party for him, on the exact day, with just close friends at a restaurant he used to work for. What a jol, but things got a little bit out of hand when the manager arrived and started buying us shooters. We got hammered! When we got home, hormones were once again flying. We forgot our promise about the physical that evening, and I couldn’t look him in the eye the next morning. What had I done, why couldn’t I stop? I was so caught up in this circle of sin and I just couldn’t seem to get out.
I attempted to ask God to forgive me quite a few times before, but each time I would just fall back. I just couldn’t seem to stick to my promises. I hated myself for it.
The guilt was too much, and Michael could sense me pulling away. He thought it was because I was still caught up on Sean. We soon broke up.